Food for Thought (and Souls)

My husband's GBM diagnosis had my head running in one of two directions:

1. Convert husband to veganism and police all meal choices, not even a whiff of things like smoked/cured meats or red meat, and kick simple carbs and alcohol to the curb.

2. Allow the man to eat/drink whatever he wants.

I don't know if there is a right answer. I don't know if things can be defined so starkly.

Is the horse out of the barn when it comes to eating healthy? I looked at the literature, and unsurprisingly, the data around dietary choices within the context of a brain tumor diagnosis is sparse at best. Other cancers, such as breast cancer, have significantly more studies, likely owing to the greater prevalence. Here, most of the data seems to point out what might be obvious: plant-based and whole grain is probably best.

What does it mean though to be human? To be alive? How does diet and drink factor in?

Our first date was in a bar for a wine and paint night. Steak found its way into subsequent dates, cooked medium, naturally. In Cleveland there was a steakhouse which served their steak with a whole pod of roasted, slightly salted garlic, which fell apart into soft, fragrant cloves that seemed to dissolve at the lightest touch. I would make frappes for us on hot days, hot chocolate to warm the cold ones. Even when I gave up meat and embraced vegetarianism, we would lean on favorites like pizza and takeout Thai and Chinese during weeks when cooking was harder. Pizza became even more a source of comfort after his diagnosis, so tied to both of our childhoods in New Jersey and New York.

Food is love. Food is so much of the human experience. Food imbues moments with vibrance. Food can be therapy.

So here is some food for thought.

There's a lot of talk these days about nutrition and medicine. I don't disagree with the notion that food can be medicine. Within the context of public health, food deserts--where residents of particular regions find themselves far from supermarkets or grocery stores with fresh produce--impact access to more nutrient-dense foods. This has ramifications for a whole litany of chronic illnesses. Is it the entire answer to better health? Not always (though it would be nice). Medications may be necessary, and in some cases, lifesaving. Both can work together.

I look at my husband's face, left eye still slightly widened from weakness, but still him. I am running on caffeine and scant tenacity alone. Cooking may come in bursts: whole wheat pasta, a dal or other curry, perhaps pulao with mixed vegetables. Other days, it's more challenging. On one of the nights I am able to cook, I watch his face as we eat. His hunger is sated, but something is still missing. The scar on his head is shiny, reflecting the lights overhead. He leans over his bowl and is quiet, his appetite diminished, maybe due to medication side-effects. Maybe something more.

But we had decided earlier that this meal wasn't the end of the story for the day. I grab my keys. "Let's grab some ice cream."

He smiles, and for a moment, the great weight is lifted.